Climbing the Mountain... How about an alternative metaphor?

This isn't my usual type of blog but my experience this past weekend has just been epic and I had to take the time to write about it.  But I'm trying to write this, not so much from a perspective of what happened, but rather from a perspective of an emotional journey.  Because it has been an emotional journey!

OK, so on Friday night, after a 7 hour drive I was tired and I was stressed.  I found myself panicking at 11pm thinking have I got to grips with my pre-reading?  Have I remembered to bring my ID? Have I charged my phone and my laptop?  Then there's the realisation of, what if I don't get on with my supervisor?  Everyone's gonna be so much smater and more interesting than me.  #ImposterSyndrome was setting in in a big way.  So I didn’t sleep much and I set three alarms on my phonr to make sure I was up on time and didnt sleep innfor the srive in to campus.  

But I genuinely needn't have worried.  

I was barely through the gates when I was meeting and chatting with other students on the same program,  sharing the same simultaneous sense of excitement and trepidation. Then arriving for registration, everything was so calm, straightforward and the supervisors did such a great job of putting people at ease.  

Just chatting with my own supervisor, did such a lot to reassure me.  It's great knowing that someone has my back and is there for support.  In addition knowing that I have someone who will challenge me to do my best work is so encouraging too.  So the fact that my supervisor is Dr. Azumah Dennis made my day all the more epic #fanmoment.  Also, meeting Dr. Tim Coughlan face-to-face for however brief a time, again #fanmoment!  

(Azumah and Me - had to grab a selfie before leaving campus)

I was so excited to hear about all the research groups and opportunities that doctoral study will bring.  But the highlight of my morning was sharing with other students a bit about my project and hearing what others are doing.  Learning about methodologies and finding others with interests similar to my own.  The theme of community in digital education came up a lot.  So I'm looking to forward to seeing how my fellow researchers get on.  This doesn't feel like a lonely journey anymore.  I have people I can reach out to when it gets tough.

(A few other people I met... Dot and Kathy)

Eh...  hang on there... backtrack just a minute!  My fellow researchers...  Am I a researcher?  A researcher in training?  Training to be a researching professional?  As I'm writing, I suppose that's just sinking in.  What will that mean for my learning and teaching practice?  Will it change the way my colleagues see me and relate to me?  I suppose time will tell.  But I had always thought of myself as a teacher/lecturer up til now.  And I certainly never thought of myself as an "academic".  How does this new role of "researcher" change that?  I suppose that will be part of my journey too.  

One of my big worries was about reading.  I feel like I've done so much reading and only starting to scratch the surface.  And I hate reading.  I've always hated it (as I wrote in one of my previous posts) because, for me, reading almost feels like digging an excavation, digging a tunnel through a mountain hoping to see light on the other side, rather climbing over it.   But today's sessions on academic reading and criticality were superb!  I learned new techniques and ways of examining literature which help me to determine if an article is relevant to my research or not.  You can't dig a tunnel without the right tools and support.

So much has happened this weekend.  Even the small things like getting my ID badge, the residential program guide, even just being on campus physically for the first time ever since starting my undergrad study in 2002...  all these small things felt like huge symbolic milestones to me.  

All that being said, ultimately I feel like I can move forward now.  I can leave the anxieties behind and start to work as a post graduate research student (wow - I love how that sounds!)   But, to my fellow #ProfDocsYr1 students, I say, “Come on folks, let’s start digging!  That tunnel ain't gonna excavate its self!”

You can follow me on twitter @McintoshMclean.









Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Expanding on Maslow... where's my motivation gone?

Image
I was out for a walk today and enjoying the Autumn views. All part of me trying to do some mindfulness practice.  But when the views are this beautiful, its not difficult.   I've been thinking recently about a lot of things.  But, if you read my previous blog post you'll know some of my reasons.   Today I've been thinking specifically about motivation, where it comes from, and why it matters because my motivation recently has taken a real nose dive.   Today I got up at around 10am and thought, "Nope!  I cannot face this day."  I decided to stay in bed and hide under the covers until well into the afternoon.  And now that its night time, I've achieved nothing.  I thought today a lot about what motivates me.   Every educator knows Maslow's (1946, as cited by McLeod, 2020) Heirarchy of Needs... ( "Maslow"   by  wilgengebroed  is licensed under  CC BY-NC 2.0 ) ...and if I put an analytical head on, I mi
Read more

H818 Conference Presentation: Mobile Blogging - A Course for Educators

Image
Downloadable Copy of Transcription Downloadable Copy of Presentation Slides Abstract The potential of mobile technology to enhance learning and teaching practice has been recognised in various academic studies (Xiao (2020); MacCallum et al. (2017); Mohammadi et al. (2020)) and the learning opportunities afforded through the use of mobile devices are complimented by a number of learning theories including connectivism (Siemens, 2004 as cited by Manchester University, ND) and social constructivism (Vygotsky, 1978 as cited by McLeod, 2019) .   In contrast however, policies on learner behaviour management coupled with issues relating to the individual and collective identities of educators have led to resistance in the adoption of mobile technology within learning and teaching practice.   Indeed removal of mobile devices is still used as a punitive action against learners where the devices themselves are deemed a classroom distraction by educators.   Yet, studies addressing the use of
Read more

Stop stating the obvious... Learning from History

Image
I think back over past events all the time.  Sometimes it's a good thing.  Other times not so much.  A lot of laughter, a lot of tears and so many cringe worthy mistakes where I wish I did things differently.  But the older I get the more I value those memories.  Some memories of happy times spent with loved ones.  Others, mistakes badly made and lessons learned.  Even on a professional level the same is true. (" Thinking cap " by  Identity Photogr@phy  is marked with  CC BY 2.0 .) But perhaps the most frustratingly human part of that process is realising those mistakes and, despite my best efforts, I end up repeating them anyway.   I've been reading a lot from two books recently.  One is called Leaving College: Rethinking the Causes and Cures of Student Attrition by Vincent Tinto (1993).  The other is a book called Creating Trauma-Informed, Strengths-Based Classrooms: Teacher Strategies for Nurturing Students Healing, Growth and Learning by Jacolyn Norris
Read more